Greetings, fellow unwashed peasants! 🧌⚡
It is I, Bernd Pulch, broadcasting from the men’s bathroom of Stockholm’s Grand Hôtel (because the actual conference room’s Wi-Fi is “reserved for trillionaires”).
🔍 WHAT I’VE “LEARNED” SO FAR:
- Klaus Schwab is now 3D-printed (explains the lack of blinking)
- Mark Zuckerberg arrived as a Meta-avatar (glitched into a IKEA meatball)
- The “Climate Crisis” has been rebranded to “Carbon Portfolio Adjustment”
- Elon Musk tried to enter with a flamethrower (denied; “Too subtle”)
🎭 TONIGHT’S AGENDA:
19:00 – “How to Pretend You Care About Democracy” (Sponsored by BlackRock)
20:30 – “AI, UAPs, and Tax Havens: A Love Story” (Hosted by an allegedly human IMF rep)
22:00 – “The Great Reset 2.0: Electric Boogaloo” (Audience participation: You’ll clap or lose pension funds)
🚨 EXCLUSIVE LEAK: The real theme this year is…
“Oops, We Accidentally the Whole Economy”
📸 PHOTO EVIDENCE:
- Bill Gates adjusting his DNA-modifying glasses
- Ursula von der Leyen practicing her “I’m shocked” face
- A suspiciously empty chair labeled “Epstein’s Ghost”
💬 QUOTE OF THE NIGHT (SO FAR):
“Transparency is our priority… now excuse me while I vomit into this gold-plated NDA.”
— Anonymous Attendee (Probably a Rockefeller)
📌 HOW TO FOLLOW ALONG (IF YOU DARE):
🔹 Live-Tweeting (@NotABilderbergBot)
🔹 Encrypted Rants (Signal: OhGodTheyreHere)
🔹 Drinking Game (1 shot every time someone says “stakeholders”)
🏷️ #Bilderberg2025 #OopsAllOligarchs #StockholmSyndrome2 #BerndWasHere
© BERNDPULCH.ORG
“Embedded in the shadows so you don’t have to be.”
P.S. If I go missing, check the meatballs. 🧆👀
🎙️ LIVE FROM THE BILDERBERG 2025 VIP TOILET (STOCKHOLM) TRANSMISSION REPRISE
– Bernd Pulch’s “Totally Authorized” Rogue Transmission – REPRISE AFTER SABITAGE
GREETINGS, DISPOSABLE UNTERMENSCHEN! AGAIN ! 👹💼
Your favorite accidental journalist here, broadcasting from the only democratic space at this year’s summit – a janitor’s closet (shoutout to my new friend Lars, who may or may not be MI6).
🔮 TODAY’S HIGHLIGHTS SO FAR:
1. THE GRAND ENTRANCE 🚪
- Klaus Schwab arrived inside Mark Zuckerberg’s metaverse eyelids
- Elon Musk tried to pay the $50M entry fee in Dogecoin (denied; too stable)
- Bill Gates was briefly detained for smuggling 5G nanobots in a Moderna cooler
2. SEMINAR SCHEDULE 📅
- 9:00 AM: “How to Fake a Pandemic and Still Get Re-elected” (Presented by Pfizer & the WHO Stand-Up Comedy Division)
- 11:30 AM: “UAP Disclosure for Fun and Profit” (Featuring an “ex”-CIA officer who looks suspiciously like Tom DeLonge)
- 2:00 PM: Practical Workshop: “Writing Laws in Emoji for Gen Z Compliance”
3. BUFFET MENU LEAKED 🍽️
- Appetizer: Liquid democracy (served in champagne flutes)
- Main Course: Roasted middle class with AI reduction
- Dessert: Your digital soul (NFT optional)
💼 SPOTTED IN THE LOBBY:
- George Soros teaching kindergarteners short-selling tactics with candy
- A crying journalist being erased from existence via quantum LinkedIn
- The ghost of Epstein photobombing group selfies (auto-deleted by Orb™ technology)
🎤 EXCLUSIVE AUDIO CLIP:
“The plebs will own nothing… because we’ll repo their kidneys via blockchain.”
— Overheard near the caviar fondue
⚠️ SURVIVAL TIPS:
- If approached by anyone in a $5,000 suit, immediately recite three Klaus Schwab quotes
- The “fire exits” actually lead to BlackRock internship programs
- Free speech zones are patrolled by Twitter’s corpse
📡 HOW TO MONITOR THIS COUP IN REAL-TIME:
- Encrypted Telegram: @BilderbergBogus
- Dead Drops: Check under any IKEA meatball in Stockholm
- Smoke Signals: Look for burning piles of cash outside the venue
🏷️ #Bilderberg2025 #GreatReset2ElectricBoogaloo #StockholmSyndicate #BerndsGottaPee
© BERNDPULCH.ORG
“Embedded so deep, even my therapist is a WEF Young Leader.”
P.S. If you don’t hear from me in 24 hours, check the Östermalmshallen fish market. Follow the trail of discarded souls and empty Dom Pérignon bottles. 🍾
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